sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
