grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
