You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
