i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
