Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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