Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
My breasts were aching with rage.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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