He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
