Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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