I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
