Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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