Well douche your snatch and let's go!
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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