Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Randomize
