i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Girls should come with a carfax report
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
