Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
