Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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