Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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