Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
