you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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