Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
