come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
