ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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