Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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