Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
