Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
