she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
