I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
