White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
