i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
