Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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