if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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