my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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