So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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