dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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