Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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