He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Who died my cat blue again?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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