Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
