Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
