I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
