dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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