I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
