Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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