My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
