Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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