so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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