She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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