my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
