I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
