Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Damn victory sex feels great
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
