There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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