So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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