Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Well I just put wine in my tea
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
