Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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