Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
She made me pour olive oil on her.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
