He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
