Life is so much better after having sex.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
