I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
