batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
