Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Still dying that you shit outside
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
