next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
